John Says His Parents Gave His Brother Money, Not Him
A man of 47 says his parents helped his younger brother with money but said no to him
John is 47 years old. He has a younger brother.
John asked his parents for £10,000 for a house. They said no.
They gave his brother money for a home. They also paid for some of his costs.
John says his family never talks about money. He feels alone.
He has a good relationship with his brother. But he is angry with his parents.
Experts say parents must talk to their children. Then children will understand the reasons.
They also say families can ask a professional for help.
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Man Refused £10,000 by Parents Who Helped His Younger Brother
Experts say money problems between brothers and sisters are often about feelings, not money
John, 47, asked his parents to lend him £10,000 for a house deposit after he broke up with his partner. They said no, although he says they had the money.
His parents gave his younger brother, who is 42, money for a home and also paid some of his living costs. John says his parents thought he was the clever one, so he had to stand on his "own two feet".
John says the favouritism has left him feeling "isolated" and it has affected his friendships. "Talking about money is verboten in my family," he says. He has a great relationship with his brother, but he feels resentment towards his parents.
Dr Fenia Christodoulidi, from the counselling service Relate, says arguments about money between brothers and sisters are rarely only about money. Parents sometimes have practical reasons for helping one child more, but they do not explain them clearly.
Claire Webb, a solicitor, helps families when they argue about inheritance. She says parents should be clear about their plans when they are still alive, and families should try mediation before going to court.
Understood everything? Read this story at B1.
When Parents Play Financial Favourites: John's £10,000 Story
Financial favouritism can cause jealousy and resentment long into adulthood, and sometimes legal disputes
Financial favouritism can cause jealousy and resentment long into adulthood and, in some cases, can even lead to legal disputes after a parent dies. Experts say there are ways to avoid it.
John, 47, whose real name has been changed, says his parents recently refused to lend him £10,000 towards a house deposit after he broke up with his partner, even though the money was "well within their financial grasp". His parents had earlier given his younger brother, 42, a deposit to buy a home and had paid some of his living expenses. John says he was seen as the more academic child and was expected to stand on his "own two feet", while his brother was "coddled". The favouritism has left him feeling "isolated" and has affected his friendships and relationships.
Dr Fenia Christodoulidi, from the counselling service Relate, says disagreements about money between siblings are rarely just about the money. "Financial support from parents often carries a powerful emotional meaning," she says, adding that some siblings read differences in support as signs of favouritism or unequal love. Even when parents have practical reasons, such as one child earning much less or being ill, failing to explain them can leave room for misunderstanding.
John says money is never discussed in his family and his parents become evasive when he tries to talk about his feelings. He is now planning his future without expecting any inheritance. He has a great relationship with his brother but feels resentment towards his parents.
Claire Webb, a solicitor and mediator, says parents should be clear with their children while they are still alive. Siblings who fall out should consider mediation before taking legal action, she adds.
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